Grabbing America by the Balls, in a Non-Gay Way (Hardcover)
Hello I'm Fantana and yes, I am handsome. I was born in the United Kingdom and weighed 15.4 English man-pounds. I have so far grown up to be a splendid and perfectly reasonable 5 foot 4 inches (with heavily padded Enhancement socks on) and 154 pounds, of pure man. I am a Heavily Muscled Hero Type guy (HMHT) but please note - I am not NOT Bruce Willis. I am the author of the book - Grabbing America by the BALLS, in a non-gay way. It is a true story of how one summer I traveled around America and met up with the reincarnation of Jesus whom I had spoken to online and decided to meet. Thankfully he didn't rape and kill me. My initial quest was to rediscover the land of America and find answers to important questions like the meaning of life and where girls pee from if they have no willy. I ended up almost getting eaten by a bear, a real big angry one, but that is another story which I detailed in the book. Writing the book was one of my best achievements, along with holding a girls hand and keeping my life savings of 6 pence and half a curly wurly safe from terrorists and the stock market. My ultimate lifelong goal is to be 5 foot 5 (sockless) and I do many stretches everyday to ensure I reach the pinnacle of my genetic superiority. I have wanted to achieve this goal since I was little (below 5 foot) and while at the moment it eludes me still I feel I am getting closer. Actually, when I grow and gel my hair and have my height enhancement shoes on and my pink cowboy hat I am actually around 5 foot 8 which is quite tall by the national average. I am no stranger to traveling and have lived in many parts of the United Kingdom which is pretty big. A lot of the reasons I have moved often is due to a large number of complaints by local communities, those sons of bitches. Some have described me as an angry fidget with a short attention span and extremely dense socks, can you believe that? This could not be further from the truth, my socks are Height Enhancement socks which keep my man feet warm, dry and add to my perfectly acceptable height. They are not dense, just well put together. They also make me feel safe and happy, in a non-gay way. I hope you enjoy my book, it is also available on Kindle.